Saturday, May 23, 2015

Learning How to "Deal"

Both children are growing and maturing so quickly. Eight months can make so much difference in a child who is 5 or under.

Up to this point, our biggest challenge in both kids have been learning how to "DEAL".

Here's an update on where they are:

AJ's last report card was FANTASTIC. He's ready for 1st grade. He knows basic math and can read many of his books independently. He's an auditory learner. He has the creativity beyond the average 6 year old.

This is the same kid who we were concerned that he was not writing in Preschool. He's a left handed writer and was struggling. Now, he can write with so much preciseness that it's scary. I loved to draw as a child but I do not remember drawing THAT well in Kindergarten.

Unlike most boys his age, he's pretty a mini-adult. Well, this is good and bad. Since he's an auditory learner, you can tell him something and he gets it, remembers it, and applies it appropriately. On the other hand, he doesn't understand why his peers don't "get it". His mind goes, "Really kids, the teacher said sit down, so sit down." It frustrates him.

We're working on social skills when the environment is CRAZY, LOCO! He's loves order and predictability. The struggle with real life is that sometimes you have to roll with the punches. Some times you have to be engaged and involved when you really don't want to. Some times your anxiety shows through because you really just want to punch someone in the face. I tell him all the time..."No, really. Mommy totally understands how you feel!"

I wish some adults would get some help from things that went wrong during their childhood. But, since I can't help them, I can help my own. Coping skills are critical in this technology driven society. You must still learn how to deal with people face to face and not through a computer or smart phone. This might be a future manager when he grows up. It's so much easier to give him tools a growing 6 year old.

Buddha is still struggling with self-control. He has a tendency to push, hit, or yell when he doesn't get his way. Don't get me wrong. He's a lot better than a year ago. When he's tired, it tends to comes out. When he's at school, he might push that one bossy little girl. Or, him and his buddy might talk during a time when they need to pay attention.

Incentives work with Buddha.  Occasionally, I give him a piece of favorite candy or a small toy for staying on Green and obeying his teachers especially if he's had a streak of being on "warning".

My tactic with both boys is LOVE and UNDERSTANDING. When they are totally ticked off, I don't really try to help. I give them a hug and tell them it's OK. Sometimes, they need space. Once they calm down, we talk about it.

  • What went happened? 
  • What went wrong? 
  • And, depending on the child and the situation, how can they make different choices?

Sometimes, I have to look straight in those sweet, brown eyes and reinforce that it was not good behavior. We make it clear...If you make good choices, you have a higher likelihood to get what you want. Privileges are EARNED and not just given to you. Sometimes, I have to tell them "It's life. You have to learn to get over it and just deal or walk away."

They are slowing getting it. Oddly, they are helping me grow too. Interesting how that works, huh?

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